myPlanetGanja.com

report - 2019

ocd's have returned with a vengeance
good thing ive not the cleaning kind...

my first battle with them was at the age of 4
story for another day

today took me to the dime store coffee house out in these woods for starters
the fucking retired
"whats a guy like you doing carrying a clipboard?!!??!" was the greeting
nice their actually decent chaps

one was military intel
the other a civi in Tehran before the shaw got shown the door

trying to get to California where ive medical and
a doctor waiting
but the state of minds making it difficult

keeping waking up standing in rooms I don't know
driving down roads im not sure

several times a day now
makes it hard to get anything done

have to carry paper and pen
writing myself notes for keeping on track
and help when I wake up not knowing whats going on

got my savings from last year with me but im concerned about driving cross country with it
highway robbers are mostly in uniform these days

tried opening an account but I keep not remembering to put the funds on me
or the address of where to send the debit they'll issue

I know theres something im supposed to be learning...

the ocd's are making it hard to operate
wouldn't be so bad if I was better at this compulsive note taking and the blackouts wernt happening

ive concerns at being able to drive cross country
not sure what waking up behind the wheel after ones going to be like

we shall see

im being cautioned against
as if theres an alternative

heh

headed out Thursday
will keep yall advised

peace

dialing this in
from it latest eruption

need a couple more days local
dotting eyes, crossing tees

will have a lot of better notes and directions for the doctors
next time I get em

never forget...

start driving tomorrow
all packed
looks good

got 450 miles so far...
trying to make 4 corners by tonight
weird still trying to stay on task
waking up wondering where you are while your driving...

finished in gallop
after 590 miles

forgot how shot out so much of America is
abandoned and rotting homes
places people kept dragging shit together until the pile could take care of itself

cleaned out a home some horders had died in,
weeks ago
was so depressing
much of what you see driving cross country is similar

we threw away 5 sets of encylopedia's
new owner didn't speak English but could say "School teach" while pointing to the mess

filled 6 roll off 30 cubic yard bins will all the stuff
and they had us throw away so much good stuff

depressing

wondering what the lines mean on the road
and whether your on the right side of them
driving at night
every time the cars are approaching

its trying

forgot bout this stuff


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBN3BtdIr0Y" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9557&p=158181#p158181" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

metor crater hotspot!

heh,
to funny

seriously though all state historic sights and anywhere with a sign up and parking should be a free hotspot by law

all this coffee buying is bullshit!

gunfire

its all gunfire now

stuff me into some downtown
as if I wont run obsessed with the options presented

its been so long
I hadn't realized there was such an option for middle aged men to pick up teens on the road

live and learn

but when it comes to killing
keep your fuck out of my way

asshole

wont let a man do the lords whatever..

jeezus……………...

down town vegas
Christ

what worth doing while im here?

Aint nevada a legal weed state? The indian reservation with the tobacco shop usually has a part going of fellow fun hogs out back .. the furnace some-or-other nearby has a some cool rocks ...

too bad yer not taking pics on the way ...

ya,
im taking some pictures but ive no idea how to get them off the phone and onto the net

sent one to smokes, it was day one 20 miles in
leaving home last look

im back now
no room so im sluming
intake tomorrow

and im standing around my truck
seedy motel

thinking this would be where the lucky guy would put a bullet in my head

this rolling with your life savings is more taxing than I recall...

mostly im just breathing free
what with
living with not having another dozen bodies in my past

you seen those smiles
not mentioned to get along...

back

aint eaten in a few days
need to work on that

bought a guy breakfast yesterday
mabe it was the day before
he was a stockbroker
before he broke his neck
colin
think it was...

fuck
today is bad
don't understand
hope this boils over

starting shit with complete strangers on the street bad

wont last long this way...

bad
bad bad

all bad...

Fear and Loathing ...
Always could be worse
Just dont start any cops

Breath .. whooosh
When in need
a friend with weed
is a friend indeed

youd think there was no end to down
guess im gonna figure it out...

Keep on the sunny side friend. You'll be okay when you reach your destination. I assume your headed west for some medical marijuana? I just finished my court appointed rehab, so I'm semi clear to smoke, since my probation officer, says I can use medical MJ, the court won't interfere with medical issues between me and a dr.

So I've just taken my first hit of good shit, since November, and Boy! does my back feel better.

“Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair.” ~Rumi

they had me commited
then tossed me out
pocked my shit

and threw away all my weed

missed a penvape

heh

ignorant fuck


you cant believe how insane that place was
how purposefully it was designed and implemented to be that way

I did ok
grew up in lighter version
read everything there about is to
so I knew
and knew how to let it roll off me

but the suffering of the others I got to witness
both the new inductees
and they men whod been trapped there for years

maddening

empaths needs to be very careful what they let themselves witness
experience

I wasn't
got sloppy
cant happen again

much better targets than anything ive a bead on now...


made it to socal
hate that abbreviation btw

hooked up and fucked off for a few days
made some mess
they so fucking deserved it thougj

got in with that program I wanted
full service
get this tumor addressed

rolled in without a room or prosepects so
have one a week later is amazing

but I will get my phone back in a couple weeks and if I can learn to use its antiquated shit
means mabe I can interact here

does our sight work on the cheapest flip phone verison had available a month ago?


we shall see...

rumi good
good good thing im well digested so much of him and the others get it

ive at time described despair
but im not as submit to it as suggested

apologies

you are most of my good friends
thank you for tolerating my musings

your kindness is well demonstrated

safe travels my friend
Lrus007

Sounds like you've landed safely. Just remember...when caught in a rip current..swim laterally to the coastline until you are free of the turmoil.

Thanks man!
I hear ya. Easier said than done
This growing up 30 years post the ideal ya know

Getting more teeth ground down for crowns today
Hooked up with a non-profit

Im lucky
Most of them here are getting their last 15 teeth extracted
Cuz theyre lost cause unfortunately

Flossing several times a day for the last couple decades paid off!

: D

Good for you, a nice smile will open doors.... I have 6 left, so I know the dilemma of not having some decent chompers.

Spending at least two hours a week in nature may be a crucial threshold for promoting health and wellbeing, according to a new large-scale study.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 095227.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

"Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt." ~ John Muir
"My job is to save the fucking wilderness. I don't know anything else worth saving." ~George Hayduke,

Nature is the only thing that works for me.

Looks like my best bet is going to be homelessness
Went to a job fair
And got recruited
Great job actual
But ive no idea how to take it and make life work
So im going to spend the year camping in the local hills
And the mountains foothills
Till the social workers get me talked down
Or i learn to live off the high salary thats being aluded to

Ta(n)ke care!

Nothing yet back from the recruiter
The companys site doesnt even mention
The position he was talking up

Its been nice there being a full size pool table
Here

In bad news one of the only client who could beat
Me once in a while
Was found unresponsive in a motel room saturday

Couple weeks out and he returned directly to form
Lasted another 30...
Grim


RiP

fucking fucking fuck

fuck
longest night of my life

shit you not
would fall asleep
wake up
look at the clock

and it had been three minutes

an old problem but
this was worest ever...

but it is not xmas eve.

i have a hard time going to sleep.
found that a full belly and empty head.
makes for better sleep.
than a empty belly and a full head.

I am going for surgery tomorrow on my right forearm. Having a large mass removed. Isointense for fat but with atypical features so it could be a liposarcoma. Wish me luck.

good luck and a quick recovery

hope that went well my friend!

Say goodbye to my little friend.
I may get the pathology Friday or they may drag it out.
I think doctors are an advanced form of parasite that has learned how to profit while consuming its host.

how long ago did that get going?

It has been growing there slowly since the late 80's but suddenly doubled in size within the last 2 years and the report from the MRI described it as atypical. Hence the removal and biopsy which was supposed to be in today, but I did not get a call to ease my concerns. I think these parasitic doctors have aligned with the psychic vampires to feed off of our collective suffering.

well, whats the word?

B9.

that terms to short to search...

Last night I was having trouble spelling so I posted phonetically. It was benign. Thanks for asking.

i got it, glad it was good news.

heh!
youd think IDA deciphered that one!!!

congrats!

ptsd

I don't remember anything like it this time

boom boom boom boom boom

gunfire

I have to reach down and hold on
lasts about ten seconds

no warning

makes getting anything done difficult

I got two throw the chest
it was bad
nine units of blood on the table
surgeon said no chance

but somehow
I didn't kickoff

I don't remember that first week

the second and the third fucking hurt

gunfire
gunfire
gunfire

I guess its good
me wishing to survive...

I see it now
something
I could let go

but im so fucking trying...

Don't let go
you let your guard down the police state will shoot you again
Sitting on a fence that's a dangerous course you can even catch a bullet from the peacekeeping force- Mark Knopfler


Take care man

Last night was bad
Went through my phone looking for a friendly voice
Was tempted to call my family

So today finds me at riversides
Mental health urgent care

Its a 24 hour deal
They allow phone calls

So it appears i havnt eaten since last thursday

hurts so bad to start back up
Fuck

whew!
caught that quick,
ate for a week,
roof too!

thought it was back to the tent but emergency housing came through
for at least the next week

very unexpected
hell ya

and on the drive to the room
was total space cadet

had to get gas
the checker took a break
posted a note in the window
5 minutes

and im standing there
staring at the big city and bright lights

and about every 90 seconds

I pop back wondering

where the fuck I am

this spot holding disconcertion and elation in the same hand...

the lights were pretty, and
nothing but food for a week...

you cant hurt me
I mean you can, but
the grip has been lost

psst
don't tell anyone, but
been manic for about two weeks now
its fucking great!

cant explain it
everythings sweet now
like seriously
been a long time

I could get used to this...

")

and how long did it last?

ups and downs but mania predominates
and having to work now

its like being loaded

weird and wild