His Goose is cooked!

Rant and Rave about The Canna Trade.
Alesana
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His Goose is cooked!

Post by Alesana »

INFIDELS!!!



Shalom! It has come to Mullah Omar’s attention that the “Beast of Baghdad,” the “Soul Of Troll,” the “Mammal Who’s Not A Camel,” and all-round furry canon fodder - Plural Of Mongoose - wishes to incur the fiery wrath of Almighty Allah by calling for a MONGOOSE JIHAD RECIPE FOR HOLY DISASTER!

Mullah hopes he has not been too tardy to enjoy this Mongoose Murder Mystery of Macbethian Proportions and would like to invoke a little motto of Mullah’s that has recently been adopted by his crack Taliban Unexploded Ordinance Regiment. It says: “Better late than…













BOOOOOOMMM!!!

(Heh! Heh! Just a little Mullah mirth to spice things up.)


Well, if Mullah may be so modest, here is a little MONGOOSE recipe passed down by Mullah’s late 13th wife, Jacqueline Kennedy-Onasis-Omar, who originally learned to prepare it in 1961 whilst married to that Fascist Zionist Yankee Running-Dog Dictator whose infidel family Almighty Allah has seen fit to punish for a thousand generations for his evil deeds and numerous plots to assassinate Mullah’s good friend and smoking partner, Fidel Castro. These assassination attempts 40 years ago by the Cowardly Imperialist Aggressors (CIA) of course went by the code-name:


“OPERATION MONGOOSE”

This particular RECIPE FOR DISASTER was originally concocted by one USAF Brigadier General Edward Lansdale, and went down as well as a plate of halal pickled sheeps’ scrotums:

Secret Ingredients:

1 Fidel Castro
1 CIA
Several lunatic fringe ideas for averting the Cuban Missile Crisis
1 Imaginary Cuban leader named “El Gusano” (“The Worm”)
1 Exploding Havana cigar
1 Underwater exploding seashell placed near Castro’s favourite diving spot
1 Wet suit and respirator infected with deadly germs (presented by J. Edgar Hoover as a gift to Castro, who in turn presented it to Jacques Cousteau)
1 Fountain pen equipped with a hidden needle capable of injecting a lethal toxin for Castro to write his telephone number on the back of a beer coaster
1 High-powered rifle with a telescopic sight (Unfortunately, it was hard to see Castro from Miami)


Secret Method:

No method at all. Castro has so far survived 657 assassination attempts.


Now, like Castro, Mullah Omar himself has survived numerous assassina…













BOOOOOOMMM!!!

(Heh! Heh! Do not mind the slight disturbance in Mullah’s cave fellow Muslims. That was just one of Mullah’s mothers-in-law preparing dinner. Excuse Mullah for a moment...)


“Troglodyte!!! Did you step on a fucking STUN GRENADE?! What the fuck are you doing in Mullah Omar’s halal kitchen? Didn’t Mullah tell you to add one cup of ANTHRAX to that recipe – not fucking SEMTEX!!! And next time – for Allah’s sake! – do not put the bastard in the MICROWAVE!!!”


Alas, good mothers-in-law are so hard to find. Now, where was Mullah…? Ah, yes. Did you know that “Taliban” is Arabic for “Towel Heads.” It is from the word “talib”, meaning “Towel Head”, and the suffix “-an”, which makes it plural. Mullah was sure at the time of writing there was a connection between this little tid-bit and today’s recipe… However, Mullah is not the brightest thermal image on the landscape, and has since forgotten.

But you are probably wondering why Mullah Omar named his Holy Radical Fundamentalist Taliban Regime “Plurals of Towel Head”. Well, it all has to do with their special training in a series of Islamic seminaries, otherwise known as “madrasas”. As every Taliban freedom fighter knows, a “madras” is the mongoose curry for when Mullah’s in a hurry (and with all these cruise missiles following Mullah around lately, Mullah’s wives have had to cook faster than a Buddhist at a peace rally!). However, Mullah notices that someone has already prepared a Plural of Mongoose curry, so he will have to ask one of his wives for another recipe…

(“Yes? I see, Number 43. Do you think this one will work? Yes, well, I know the halal pretzels we sent George W. Bush didn’t kill him, but that’s because they weren’t kosher… Yes, I know Number 43, but we need something better than an exploding seashell… Ah, yes! By Allah! That’s brilliant!”)

So, without further adieu, Mullah Omar now presents….


MULLAH OMAR’S (WIFE’S) MONGOOSE RECIPE FOR DISASTER!

Halal Ingredients:

1 Islamic cleric or Holy Mullah (preferably missing one eye)
43 Wives of the above
1 Siamese mongoose of the genus herpestes auropunctatus, native to Afghanistan (Yes, Mullah knows what you are thinking: “Surely a Siamese mongoose native to Afghanistan is an oxy-moron?” To which Mullah replies: “Did you spill my pint?”)
2 George Bushes
1 Dick Cheney
3 Stinger missiles
1 Gyroscopic magnetic detonation device
1 Roll of electrical tape
1 Cave
1 Toyota
72 Virgin mongeese of the genus herpestes auropunctatus (gender optional)
1 Tali of flambéed sheeps’ eyeballs and other assorted Afghani sweetmeats
2 Havanas dipped in hash oil
1 Plate of Mullah Omar’s special (secret recipe) halal hash-oil cookies
1 Pretzel


Halal Method:

Induct Siamese mongoose into Radical Fundamentalist Islamic Taliban Holy Martyr Regiment with the promise of 72 virgin mongeese in the afterlife, and one second-hand Toyota to take him there. Remove foreskin and all other tell-tale signs of Western Imperialist decadence – BUT DO NOT REMOVE FACIAL HAIR UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH! Remove left kidney and present to Osama Bin Laden before he dies of diabetes. Remove warhead from first Stinger miss…













BOOOOOOMMM!!!

(cough, cough)


Er… Remove warhead from second Stinger miss…













BOOOOOOMMM!!!

(cough, cough)


Er… Ask one or more of Mullah’s mothers-in-law to remove warhead from third Stinger missile (as Mullah Omar quietly slips outside his cave to take his chances with the B-52s…) Ah, very good! Now, place warhead in cavity vacated by mongoose’s left kidney. This may take a little work, but in Mullah Omar’s experience, if you wrap the gerbil… Er, mongoose… tightly from head to claw in electrical tape, you will find just enough room to insert a circumcised warhead without having it explode on you (the mongoose, that is, not the circumcised warhead). Attach gyroscopic magnetic detonation device to inserted warhead… (Er, perhaps you should ask one of Mullah Omar’s mothers-in-law to do this.) Place on a covered silver serving tray.


Tricky Part:

Invite George Bush Snr to Mullah’s cave for dinner, but ask his mother to wait outside. (Oh, that is his wife? For the love of Allah – why doesn’t he get another one? Or two… Or three… Or… ). After a tangy tali of flambéed sheeps’ eyeballs and other assorted Afghani sweetmeats (What!?! You want the recipe for THOSE as well??? Do not infuriate Mullah with such impertinence or the next plate of eyeballs Mullah’s wives serve up will be YOURS!), invite George Bush Snr to retire to Mullah’s lounge cave for a Havana. Offer him a pretzel. Heh! Heh! Not really – you don’t think Mullah wants him DEAD do you? Offer him a cookie instead.


Easy Part:

Once George Bush Snr is almost non compos mentis (after the hash-oil dipped Havanas, but before the cookies digest), gently guide the conversation towards his son. Explain to him how lonely it is being the leader of such a great terrorist nation (“sigh” - something Mullah is quite au fait with himself) as his, and how hard it is to trust the people around him – especially those Donkeys… er, Democrats. George Bush Snr should understand this well and - before his wife gets too impatient and starts banging on Mullah’s cave entrance demanding to be let in - the time should be ripe for introducing him to Mullah’s pluralistic furry friend. Do not say anything about the tightly-wound electrical tape. Instead, proffer this unassuming line of persuasion:

“What Little George needs right now in this time of lonely crisis is a furry friend to keep him company and make all his foreign policy decisions for him.”

George Bush Snr will also understand this and recall the days when he himself had Dan Quayle…. Present plural of furry critter to George Bush Snr as a gift for his lonely son, bid a tearful Goodbye, and remember not to shoot down his 747 with one of Mullah Omar’s Stinger missiles as he flies back to Washington…


(One week later…)


After watching Anaconda for 168 hours straight with his new fiend, George W. Bush will decide to invade the Republic of Congo (bearing in mind there are no anacondas in Congo). The Snake Oil Man himself – Dick Cheney – not wanting to be snake-oiled, will decide that invading Congo was HIS idea and suddenly burst into the Oval Office whereupon - with explosive speed – the plural of furry critter will leap off George W. Bush’s lap, latch itself on to slippery Dick’s nether regions, the magnetic gyroscopic detonation device connected to the warhead inserted into the plural of furry critter will come into contact with Cheney’s pacemaker, and….













BOOOOOOMMM!!!





Mwahahahahahaha!!!


Allah Akbah!


And…


DEATH TO THE MONGOOSE!
Last edited by Alesana on Sat Feb 06, 2016 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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smokebreaks
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His Goose is cooked!

Post by smokebreaks »

No threats of violence real or implied will be tolerated.

Kinda violates the TOU.
GOVERNMENT WARNING: Marijuana use can cause complex thoughts leading to better ideas of how to live your life. Caution, free thinking has been routinely reported with continued use.

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Post by bentech »

an early POM writting excercise...

wonders whos laptop THAT was found lying about on?
"we must strive to become good ancestors" nader
https://www.myplanetganja.com/viewforum.php?f=48
FUCK jimmydorecomedy.com

Alesana
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His Goose is cooked!

Post by Alesana »

bentech wrote:an early POM writting excercise...

wonders whos laptop THAT was found lying about on?
INFIDEL!!!



By the powers of Mullah's great eyeballs, you are correct...
MullahOmar.jpg
...for that is but half the truth.



Allah Akbar! Death to America!

(And, er, apparently Mullah, too. Nobody told me these 72 virgins would all be camels . . . Will somebody please dig my other eye out with a spoon? Thank you. My, what lovely Afghan Lady Lumps you have... Did I ever tell you how lonely it is being a Mullah? Let me show you my tuberculosis...)

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His Goose is cooked!

Post by MadMoonMan »

urinates on fuse

false gods and prophets will not prevail
Just because I can't spell misanthrope doesn't mean I'm completely stupid.

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Post by MadMoonMan »

As a practicing pea ce of a sy chia trist

Thats a half brain dead mofo.. lol

And you let him decide if you live or die?

Your dress is to short above your knees.

Here is a nanny with a tape measure.

"you nasty girl..Whore... "

"over here men! We need muscle! .. Rape this whore for her provocative ways.!!
Just because I can't spell misanthrope doesn't mean I'm completely stupid.

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Post by Irwin the Troll »

smells of shrimp

Alesana
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His Goose is cooked!

Post by Alesana »

INFIDEL!!!



I will have you know I am hung like a goat!
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Goat.jpg

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Post by bentech »

now your talking!
"we must strive to become good ancestors" nader
https://www.myplanetganja.com/viewforum.php?f=48
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Alesana
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His Goose is cooked!

Post by Alesana »

INFIDEL!!!



Keep your scrote away from my goat!

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